A white supremacist, who earlier this year attempted to take the life of the President of the United States and was sentenced to ten years in federal prison, is trying to convince the courts to allow him to have the tattoos altered before serving his time.
"I only got these Nazi tattoos to impress my buddies," said Fergus Thirdnipple to the Judge responsible for ruling on a motion filed by Thirdnipple's attorney to allow him to serve time in a County Jail so that he could have the tattoos altered before entering federal prison. "I never thought I'd do something stupid enough to land me in the big-people's jail."
"The guys over at County Jail know me and most agree with my philosophy on life, so I'd feel much safer over there if you don't mind, your honor," said Thirdnipple as he begged Judge Solomon Finkelstein to consider his request.
Finkelstein, for reasons not quite clear, didn't seem interested in saving Thirdnipple from what is going to obviously be a tricky stay in federal prison. "The only way we might consider his request is if he trades the swastika on his shoulder for a rainbow, the iron cross on his chest for a picture of Tinkerbell, and the pictures of the Olsen twins on his butt cheeks for those of Beavis and Butthead; otherwise, he's stuck with what he's got, and may God have mercy on his soul."