Written by PP Rega
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Topics: Murder, Toilet

Saturday, 10 July 2010

image for Paterfamilias Plugs Toilet then Family

An episode of good-natured family fun turned into a bloody scene of murder and mayhem when a father shot and killed his wife and two daughters on the 500 block of Roberta Drive in The Bronx. According to police, Ohioan Horatio Ashtabula and his wife, Mabel, were visiting their children, Kip and KayJay and during the week-long visit, repeatedly plugged his children's toilet.

Apparently, for the first couple of times, Mr. Ashtabula's colonic conniptions were a source of amusement for all concerned. However, according to Mr. Ashtabula, as his painful plugging predicament became more persistent, problematic and plentiful, the family's good-natured jocularity shifted to sarcasm and vituperation. The last straw occurred when he had to "go" and his family physically banned him from the bathroom, handed him a roll of toilet paper and told him to plug the toilet at the public library down the steet. It was at that point that Mr. Ashtabula unloaded his .22 Mag-lite into his loved ones' craniums, took a "dump", plugged the toilet one last time, and called the police.....then the plumber.

"That's all I've been nagged about all week long...plug, plug, plug. Well, now they're plugged," confessed Mr. Ashtabula after he was 'Mirandized'.

When the police spokesperson was asked where the self-confessed murderer was to be incarcerated, he stated, "Sing-Sing. The bathroom pipes here are too narrow. We don't need to start a riot after all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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