It was a bold, striking move that has never occurred before, and has absolutely shocked everyone: An H&R Block CEO quit.
This time it was Russ Smyth, the James Belushi-lookalike and former President of McDonalds' Sh-tty Food, European Division who, in less than two years, has taken Block's Value Pricing initiative to new levels by making the stock 77% cheaper than before!
Smyth, 53, said in a telephone interview that he's joining a "very large but very private" company based in his hometown of Chicago that he declined to name.
"It's a very special company," said Smyth. "A magical company, where the desks are made of fluffy nougat, and marshmallow bunnies shit chocolate drops, and the snozberries taste like snozberries!"
Smyth also stated that H&R Block's performance didn't influence his decisions to leave, hoping that we'd actually believe it.
"The things that we started last year and will continue to build on in our business plan for next year are the right things to fix the fundamentals of the business," Russ said, while trying to suppress a giggle.
The next executive to rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic will be none other than Alan Bennett, who fired beer farts into the "interim" CEO's chair for 15 minutes a couple years back.
Bennett's prior leadership of the company in 2008, the most successful tax season of the decade, may bode well for the firm, Heimeroppen & Co. analyst Ican Hazcheeseburger said in a note to clients yesterday.
"Of course, that was the year that the first Economic Stimulus Act went into effect, and the only way that people could get their Stimulus check was to file a tax return, even if they didn't need to. And while tax returns were up over 10% industry-wide, Block was only up 4%."
He also downgraded the stock from "Sell" to " Hot, flaming fudge-tard"
Finally: "While a CEO change might trigger a negative knee-jerk reaction in HRB's shares, how could it get any cheaper? Stock up, boys, and throw it in the same drawer as your Enron and pets.com shares."