Written by Guy Bellefonte
Print this
Topics: insurance

Friday, 9 July 2010

image for Frank's Housing Fix Has Insurance Co's "Fired Up"
Aggressive Real Estate Marketing Plan 101

"If I Can't Sell Your House, I'll Burn It Down!" and that's a Chad Frank Promise!

Chicago, IL- It's 9am Thursday morning and dozens of people have gathered at the Holiday Inn Conference Center anxiously waiting to hear from Chad Frank and his "hot" real estate seminar: The Frank Promise Real Estate Experience.

People have arrived from as far as Milwaukee to hear how Chad and his team of specialists can make their real estate troubles disappear. Minutes before the seminar is set to begin, the dated speaker system loudly plays the Talking Heads smash hit, Burnin' Down the House.

Frank has taken this road show across America, claiming to have solved people's most depressing real estate situation. His marketing materials boast testimonial after testimonial about how Chad has changed their lives. But not everyone is excited about Chad's message.

Insurance representatives from all major firms have publicly denounced Frank's techniques and have spent millions of dollars lobbying against this movement.

As the fog machine hits full capacity, Chad Frank enters the stage, grabs the microphone and finishes the final lyrics of Burnin' Down the House with his adoring fans, each hoping to be saved from financial ruin.

Once the fanfare, which included a chimpanzee, concluded-Frank gets to business quickly outlining his real estate scheme.

Step 1: Chad lists your property for 30 days, accepting nothing but full asking price

Step 2: If sold, Chad takes 3% Sales Commission. If not sold, the seller pays Chad $5,000 cash for what is loosely known as the "Aggressive Marketing Plan"

Local fire departments, insurance companies, lenders, and people with common sense, have all protested the Frank Promise Real Estate Experience and would like to remind people that arson is a serious crime.

Prior to obtaining his real estate license, Chad Frank owned Sign Here Mortgages, a subprime residential mortgage shop that helped most of his current clients initially get into their current situation.

Make Guy Bellefonte's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 2?

3 2 14 8
84 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more