Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Topics: Al Gore

Thursday, 8 July 2010

image for Gore Sues Masseuse For Violating Sacred Swadhisthana Chakra Pact
No Happy Ending For Big Al

Al Gore is fighting back. Stung by having a highly-paid masseuse tell the world that he was acting like a sex-crazed poodle for demanding that she "relieve his 2nd chakra," Gore is suing the 54 year old therapist for violating a sacred Swadhisthana chakra pact that has operated on a material plane beyond time, space and causation.

For the unwashed, chakras are centers of energy in the astral body. Six of them are located along the Sushumna; the seventh - the Sahasrara chakra - at the crown of the head. At the base of Sushumna is Muladhara, which corresponds to the sacral plexus. Next is Swadhisthana, corresponding to the prostatic plexus where the gland which secretes a fluid that is a major constituent of the ejaculatory fluid is located. This, my dear friends, is a problem area called the 2nd Chakra.

It was this specific center of energy that Al Gore beseeched his masseuse therapist to release. And thus lies the reason for the plaintiff's suit. Historically, the sacred Swadhisthana chakra pact has held that upon request, a masseuse was required to release the 2nd Chakra. In the patois of the Washington Beltway, this is known as providing a "happy ending" to the massage.

In most cases this requires that the party being massaged pony up some extra cash. Reportedly, the therapist was paid around 500 bucks for her services, usually enough to ensure the pact is not violated. Since this is a relatively small amount of money, the suit will probably be handled in the Small Claims Court of Portland, Oregon, unless settled out of court. I suspect that Mr. Gore will prevail.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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