Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan: "But I Was in Compliant (sic) With My Um Program.
A strawberry Smoothie: Delicious and more intelligent than Lindsay Lohan

Was your brain wrinkled by Lindsay Lohan's rambling, incoherent speech before the Judge who sentenced her misdemeanant butt to 90 days in jail?

You're not alone.

Dr. Fartin Sniffit, of the George W. Bush Center for Retarted Speech, has reviewed Lohan's word-salad, and found that he understood little of what she said.

"At one point Lindsay stated that 'as far as I knew I was being in - compliant with, um my program.' In fact, she stated she believed she was 'in compliant' six times," said the Doctor. "Even a monkey with a head injury would know that the phrase is 'in compliANCE,' not 'in complIANT.' "

"Most of her speech could be boiled down to two lines of reasoning," said the doctor, noticeably stressed by having to listen to Lohan speak. " the first is ' I didn't do anything wrong, and don't I look cute in this top?' The second, 'I'm famous and marginally talented. Shouldn't a black person be here instead?' "

Dr. Sniffit, who spent 8 years trying to make sense of the drunken ramblings of our intellectually bankrupt former President, was nevertheless stumped by the red-headed drug abuser: "She rambled on for ten minutes, and didn't actually say a damned thing."

"If talking sh-t was a crime, Lohan would be prepped for a lethal injection by the end of the week."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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