Fish & Wildlife crews armed with Dove Soap failed this weekend to clean the Governors of Mississippi and Louisiana. "I'd rather do twenty pelicans or twelve sharks," said a wildlife worker. "Governor Barbour is so soaked inside and out, it took a dip stick to see just how much there was in his body. I always wondered whey he talked that way, all slick and all!"
Another worker, who had tried to clean Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana stated, "Man, I thought he was brown like that because he was from India or something. No way. He was oil from head to toe, like slippery. Every time we tried to put the Dove on him, he just slipped through our fingers. He did calm down when we used hundred dollar bills instead of paper towels. We learned that one from trying to clean Congressman Joe Barton of Texas. We worked on him for three days, never did get him clean, it must have been more than oil."
In related news, the manufacturer of Dove Soap has confirmed that they have sent an additional 535 bottles of Dove to the Senate and the House of Representatives. The manufacturer of "Mr.Clean" was asked to participate but declined. A spokesman said, "We will help the wildlife, but not the kind there is in DC. Sending "Mr.Clean" to DC seems to be, well," he paused, "an oxymoron."