San Francisco CA: The Pelosi Home for Incurable Liberals (PHIL) located on Alcatraz Island was dedicated today by the new Republican US President and California's Republican Governor.
Alcatraz Island was employed as a military prison in 1850, becoming a federal prison in 1933 housing infamous gangsters such as Al Capone and subsequently closed in 1963. Island facilities operated by the US National Park Service were reopened to the public in 1972.
At the PHIL ribbon cutting ceremony the new president enumerated how in this time of fiscal austerity and national debt reduction, no federal or state funds are to be allocated for any improvements to Alcatraz Island. San Francisco bay provides a natural barrier to the mainland negating the need for any guards, kitchen or athletic staff. Besides liberals can't swim or play basketball! The federal government will provide Meals Ready to Eat (MREs).
Only the most dangerous Democratic far left liberal politicians, socialists, environmentalists, food police, animal rights activists, zero population growth, zero economic growth, vegans, global warming fanatics and anti-globalization anarchists will be housed here.
The Governor of California added that the PHIL facility is not an insane asylum. Alcatraz Island is to be renamed "Shudder or Fantasy Island!"