Written by Coldplaying
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Topics: Washington, Radio

Saturday, 6 August 2005

image for FCC Fines Big Bird $1 Million for a Misunderstanding
Can you find Lake Titicaca?

Washington DC - New FCC Chair Kevin J. Martin has said that he will tighten the FCC's reign over Radio and Television. Since Janet Jackson's "Wardrobe" Malfunction, over 8 Million Dollars in fines have been imposed by the FCC. The latest target is none other than every childs hero Big Bird.

On an episode of Sesame Street last month the running theme of the show was World Geography. The Count counted the countries of the world, Ernie and Bert figured out where the most pigeons could be found (New York City) and Big Bird was showing some of his favorite vacationing spots. The following is the official transcript from PBS.

"Oh boy! A map of the world! You know I am a bird and what do birds like to do? .... That's right! Fly! And I would like to share with you some of my favorite spots to relax when I am away from Sesame Street."

The segment started out normally, with Big Bird pointing out the British Isles, Morocco, and even Australia, however this is where the FCC says that "Big Bird should have known that this is not a place for children to hear about" Here is the rest of the official transcript.

"I love those places. Its fun to fly from isle to isle. However there is one more place that I like to fly to. Do you know where that is? ... Thats Right! Lake Titicaca"

According to the FCC there were complaints from Watchdog groups such as "Kids for G Ratings", and "Parents Television Council". However there were no complaints from any private citizen. "We have to be tough with our rules and regulations", said Mr. Martin. "We are treating this as if Howard Stern used any profane or vulgar references on his show. We must show that people like Big Bird do not have any special privileges."

When we called down to Sesame Street we were not able to speak with Mr. Bird however an official message was given to us by his spokesthing Mr. Snuffleupagus. "Big Bird is doing well, and will appeal these horrific charges against him." When asked when he will go back to the show, Mr. Snuffleupagus said that Big Bird was currently vacationing in Lake Titicaca and will return in a few weeks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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