Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Elena Kagan

Thursday, 1 July 2010

It was the end of the day in the Senate confirmation hearings for Elena Kagan's nomination to the Supreme Court. As expected, the Republican members of the committee had been rude, insulting, and sarcastic.

As the members of the committee were packing up their papers and pushing back their chairs, Ms. Kagan asked to speak. Chairman Leahy granted her request.

Ms. Kagan leaned forward in her chair, speaking softly, but into the microphone.

"So many assholes, so little time," she said and looked directly at the Republican members.

Faces flushed, mouths dropped open, and Senator Jeff Sessions screamed, "Now wait just one damn minute!"

Ms. Kagan continued: "First of all, you are about the dumbest group of people all sitting in one room as I have ever seen. There is an old expression: rude, crude, and unattractive. Look in the mirror and take a bow, you Dorks."

The Republican members all stood up yelling, waving their arms in the air, a few had spittle running down their chins. Chairman Leahy gaveled the room to order.

Ms. Kagan continued: "Senator Sessions, you are right out of central casting for an old, white, and ignorant southern politician. Senator Hatch, haven't you gone about as far as you can go with the starched collars, and the slicked back white hair. You are so," she paused, "yesterday. And Senator Graham, will you ever learn in your lifetime,the old saying, it is better to be blatant than latent."

At this point the Democratic Senators were doing high fives with each other and the gallery was cheering.

Ms. Kagan concluded, "So gentlemen, give it an up or down vote, or go play Fish. Frankly, if your constituency hadn't been stupid enough to elect you, you would just be another bunch of old white-haired guys whose IQ was slightly lower than their average body temperature."

Ms. Kagan, got up from her chair, smiled sweetly at all in attendance,flipped the bird to the Republican Senators,and left the room.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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