WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move that has greatly angered thousands of D.C. movie goers, including the Obamas, the Bidens, and Nancy Pelosi, D.C. Mayor Adrian "Yo Bro" Fenty has decided to ban the motion picture The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.
Mayor Fenty, said that he knows that it may cost him his re-election, but he added that he has to do what he feels in his heart is right and ban the vampire themed movie.
He giggled a little and said "No pun intended y'all" in his use of the words heart and vampire.
Fenty remarked that he just cannot allow a film to be shown in his city when he knows that it is just too close to home, as they say in hundreds of books on cliches.
The mayor made it crystal clear that there are just way, way too many 'bloodsuckers' in and around the Washington D.C. area already.
He went on to say that he has gotten some tremendous support from the members of D.C.s nunneries, as well as prison inmates, attorneys, heart specialists, employees of Jack-in-The-Box Restaurants, and the Amish community.
Fenty said that he has received over 3,000 calls, protesting his decision, in just the past 48 hours. He noted that seven of the calls were from President Obama himself. The mayor said that at first the president asked him nicely to reconsider and allow the movie to be shown.
Mayor Fenty said that on the president's seventh and last call President Obama said, "Now looky here Adrian. I understand eggsackly where you be's comin from. I really and truly does. But I gots ta say dat your president, dat be me, is one highly upset son-of-a-bitch right now."
Fenty said that the president went on and ended up threatening him by having him investigated on charges that he was seen molesting several ducks in one of D.C.'s dozens of duck ponds.
The mayor said that the president even emailed him pictures, which purport to show him, the mayor, engaging in sick sexual acts with six ducks, four female and two male.
The president later texted him asking him to reconsider.
SIDENOTE: Mayor Fenty has announced in a front page story of The Washington D.C. Daily Gazette Chronicle that the much awaited and fabulous movie The Twilight Saga: Eclipse will be opening in theaters throughout Washington D.C. immediately!