Reuters has announced that with the Republican's recent successful vote in Congress, allowing oil drilling in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, (land set aside by Republican President Eisenhower), the emboldened Bush team will proceed with their constitutional amendment banning same sex marriages, and plan another constitutional amendment allowing Bush to run for a third term. Having a Republican majority in Congress, the Diebold voting system and dredging up the Swift Boat Team, Bush could easily win a third term running against Abraham Lincoln or Clint Eastwood.
Other potential Republican candidates were not as excited about this prospect, reported the Associated Press. Hearing the news while flying to Germany for a conference, Condelezza Rice stopped her plane over the Atlantic, made a U-turn, and headed back to Washington D.C., landing in Pensacola, Florida. "Take me to the White House immediately," she told her driver.
Lynne Cheney had to be sedated. "It's time for my Dick to become president. He's worked harder than anyone else in this evil, heavy drinking, bacon eating, pill popping, late sleeping, puppy kicking administration, and we deserve Air Force One more than those Texas start ups. Besides, we have two daughters too, grandchildren and stronger family values," she announced, while sewing an American flag out of last year's Prada outfits.
Stranded in Peoria, Secretary of State Condelezza Rice tried unsuccessfully to locate her plane presently parked in Aspen, Colorado.
John McCain was reported to be flabbergasted, his grey hair turning Santa Claus white. "After all the tap dancing I did for that Texas short horn? I could have been Kerry's vice president and just a heart beat away from the White House right this very moment. I might as well be at Disneyland." In a tiff, he telephoned the Kerry residence, the answering machine message starting, "I fought for this country as a young man..."
Former Mayor Giulliani had several hours of words to sort out his feelings, ending,"So I'm a trice married Republican candidate. Big fat deal. I still have strong family values and I can preach ethics just like all the others. Bad things happen to good people all the time, but don't forget 9/11: I was the only one who didn't go to ground."
Later, a White House insider said, "And should the entire third term project fail, we can blame it all on the Clinton administration."