LA BREA, California - President Obama, the "First Mama" Michelle, and the "First Kiddoes" Malia and Sasha were in La Brea visiting the world famous La Brea Tar Pits.
The president had been criticized prior to going to the infamous tar pits due to the fact that the BP Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill has caused literally billions of tar balls to float onto the shorelines of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, and Cuba.
He responded to Fox Network's Juliana McFussbutt by saying, "Now Ms. McFusbut, just what do da damn ass Louisiana tar balls gots ta do wiff me and my family visiting da La Brea Tar Pits bitch?"
Ms. McFussbutt was taken aback and started to respond, but before she could two of the presidential secret service agents grabbed her, handcuffed her, and whisked her away to the souvenir shop's storage room.
The president was then asked about Vice President Joe Biden calling Milwaukee's Kopp's Frozen Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin a 'smartass.'
President Obama let out a laugh and said, "Okay. Fair enough. Let me say dis about dat. Although I does not agree dat Joey should have called da fat white dude a 'smartass' I does feel dat he was most certainly justified in doing so. I mean look. Da honky had thrown da dreaded five letter word, 'taxes' in his face.
Obama then said "Now looky here. Joey went ta da damn custard store ta buy hisself some mother effen custard for goodness sakes. He could have gone next door ta Cousin Custalini's Custardized Custard, or even across da street to The General George Armstrong Custard's House of Custard, but he didn't."
The president pointed out that his main man, Joey boy, went into Kopp's Frozen Custard and gave da sumbitch over $50,000 in free publicity. And how how does da effen manager repay him.
He repays him by insulting him in front of the White House traveling press corps, the local newspaper and television media, and even that damn reporter from Phoenix, Arizona, Sylvester Brewer, no relation to Governor Jan Brewer or Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.
The president went on to say that it is an unwritten rule that when he and the vice president are out and about in public it is considered extremely bad taste for anyone to approach them and to mention that little dreaded five letter word, 'taxes.'
President Obama then added, "So ta be perfectly honest wiff ya. I believe dat Mr. Borkin should be flat out fired. And in fact, I will speak ta Mr. Koff, da owner of da Custard Shop and insist dat da 'smart ass,' yes that's right, I did not stutter, be fired.
Ya see, dat is precisely what is wrong wiff America today. There are just way too many honky's...and blacks, Latinos, and Injuns as well who are just too damn quick ta criticize.
SIDENOTE: The president has said that from now on he and his vice president will no longer go in to restaurants and diners and instead they'll just have the secret service agents bring their food, i.e. hamburgers, hot dogs, and tacos, to their bus or hotel room.