Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for President Gives In - Agrees To Form a Completely Gay Military Division To Be Based In San Francisco
San Francisco native Brucey Phillapetti, says he wants to be a General in The San Francisco Division

SAN FRANCISCO - President Obama and the "First Mama" were in San Francisco attending The 41st Annual Gay Art Display and Sex Organ Exhibit.

He was asked about the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill. He shook his head and replied that he is kinda fed up talking about the damn oil and refused to do so.

He was then asked about his thoughts on the newly formed political group The American Tea Baggers Party. He smiled, spit on the floor, and said that he refuses to discuss an organization that he deems to be fear-based, angry, full of vile and venom, and dangerous to the well-being of every male, female, and baby porpoise and dolphin living in the once beautiful blue waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

The president was then asked about Vice President Joe Biden going around calling a custard store manager in Milwaukee a 'smart ass.'

President Obama let out a laugh and said, "Okay. Fair enough. Lemmy sey dis about dat. Although I do not agree dat Joey should have called da fat white dude a 'smart ass' I does feel dat he was most certainly justified in doin' so. I mean look. Da honky had thrown da dreaded five letter word, 'taxes' in his face.

Joey went ta da damn custard store ta buy some mother effen custard for goodness sakes. He could've gone next door ta Cousin Custalini's Custardized Custard, or across da street ta The General George Armstrong Custard House of Custard, but he didn't.

My main man, Joey boy, went into Kopp's Frozen Custard and gave da sumbitch over $50,000 in free publicity. And how does da manager, one Scott Barkin repay him. He repays him by insulting him in front of da White House traveling press corps, da local newspaper and television media, and even dat damn hot head reporter from Phoenix, Arizona, Rusty "Squeaky" McKinbridge.

So ta be perfectly honest wiff ya. I believe dat Mr. Barkin should be flat out fired. And in fact, I will speak ta Mr. Koff, da owner of da Custard Shop and insist dat da 'smart ass,' yes dat's right, I did not stutter, be fired.

Dat is precisely what is wrong wiff America. There are just way too many honky's, and blacks, and Latinos, and Injuns as well who are just too damn quick ta criticize.

The president was asked about his plans to form a completely gay military division to be based in San Francisco.

He smiled, winked, grabbed his crotch, and said that it was true. He noted that he had spoken to several leaders in the gay and lesbian committee and that they had all agreed that having an all gay military division would really work out well.

He said that no one would have to be looking over their shoulder and wondering if this one or that one was of the gay and/or lesbian persuasion.

One lesbian woman, who would only identify herself as "Butchy" said that if she likes girls that is her business. She pointed out that she can take an official military rifle and shoot the balls off of a pet hamster at 100 yards.

When asked if she had ever done that she smiled and said that she'd done it twice, once in 2007, and once last year at her grandmother Bertha Matilda's 103rd birthday party, which was held at The Pink Pussycat Park and Aviary Zoo Enclave in Sausalito.

In other news. Miss France has been forced to relinquish her crown due to the fact that he has badmouthed croissants in public.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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