Washington AC/DC - (Deep Penetration News): Du Pont Circle salons are in uproar amid reports detailing why traitors Ames and Hanssen are shitting bricks in jail this evening:
A ten year classified probe into the renegades' recruitment skills has shafted Justice Department terms of their respective plea bargain arrangements.
These saw their espionage sentences reduced to life with no parole for decades of betrayal to the Ruskies.
And the locking away into virtual cryogenic stasis of their VIP contact lists.
Tonight all bets are off as Chelsea Clinton's Hackberry i-Phone records surfaced in an FBI probe into eleven Russian sleeper moles arrested yesterday across the States.
The high tech communication device has turned out to be nothing more than one half of a covert NYPD walkie talkie gizmo.
Everything ever said, mailed or videoed by the gadget was being recorded in a Lower Manhattan facility tracking Russian money laundering cartels!
"OMG! Bang goes the July wedding to that Marc Mezvinsky Lewinsky guy!" an aide shrieked as a frantic Hillary Clinton stormed into FBI HQ and demanded the immediate resignation of FBI Director Robert Mueller.
Bush twins Jenna and Barbara were fitted with rectal microphone implants soon after birth.