Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Topics: Guns, Mafia, chicago

Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for Supreme Court strikes down Chicago handgun ban just in time for Mafia Centennial Celebrations
Guns don't kill people, people kill people by pulling the triggers of guns.

The United States Supreme Court has struck down the controversial Chicago handgun ban, a decision which may have national impact on parties as diverse as divorcing couples, angry teenagers, mothers of beauty contestants, litigators, and businessmen with bodyguards in sharkskin suits.

Chicago's long history of anti-gun sentiment is well established, particularly the absence of drive-by machine-gun assassinations, Valentines Day parties and other common pro-gun festivities.

While the ban addressed Chicago's long history of peaceful resolution of conflict, the Supreme Court found the ban, in the words of an official observer,"unConstitutional, unwarranted and frankly inexplicable. I mean, who didn't see the Godfather? Bonny and Clyde? Banning guns, especially the more portable variety, is just unAmerican. And dumb."

Charleston Heston briefly rose from the dead immediately after the decision to hold a hastily called press conference in which he strongly condemned the ban and hailed the Supreme Court decision as "a body blow to democracy and the American way."

Or something like that, his speech was somewhat slurred.

The upcoming Mafia Centennial Celebrations are back on schedule, say spokesmen in dark shades, and Chicago natives suggest those with outstanding debts, any and all snitches, welshers and persons receiving dead fish in the mail to leave town for that weekend.

Argentina is lovely this time of year, according to this month's NRA Hot Lead magazine.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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