Written by Tawdry Soup
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Monday, 28 June 2010

image for Remains of Michael Jackson Announce Jackson 5 Reunion Tour
Thinkin' bout my body, it don't matter if you're dead or...not

Unable to rest for ten seconds, even when closed in an airtight chamber and buried under 6 feet of dirt, Michael Jackson has clawed his way back from obscurity and announced a Jackson 5 Reunion tour to the delight of fans and his financially embarrassed siblings.

Just over one year to the day of his death, the white-as-a-sheet Jackson appeared at a hastily arranged news conference flanked by his semi-famous brothers. Behind them stood the manager of the tour, the flamboyant boxing promoter Don King, wearing a sequinned red, white and blue jacket with a muddy shovel in one hand and a miniature American flag in the other.

Although his famous lips might or might not have moved, depending on who you ask, Jackson's right arm definitely fell off, along with his nose and one ear during the press conference. But no matter. The excitement among the press in the room was palpable.

After a few minutes of everyone waiting for the soft spoken Jackson to answer a few questions, Mr. King stepped up to the microphone and put his arm around the frail rapidly deteriorating body of Michael Jackson. The clattering cadaver slumped over King's arm like an extra-starched rag doll.

"Yowza, Yowza, Yowza," announced King. "We here today to announce to the Universe a reunion tour of the greatest family musical group dat ever existed. We expect over 200 dates and will make enough cash dat the rest of the Jackson boys can finally make some money. What is different about this tour is we don't have Michael spending or giving away every damn penny we make. Michael won't even eat. In fact, he will be sleeping in a suitcase. We got so many surprises on this tour you gonna freak out . We are going to use so many special effects, lasers, smoke bombs and the like, no one will ever tell this man been dead for over a year now. I mean look at him-he look the same to me. What about you?"

Just then, in a scene reminiscent of the "Thriller" days, a bat flew out of Jackson's eye. "Shit Michael," laughed King, "You gone and spoilt one of the surprises."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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