NOGALES, Arizona - Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer was in the border town of Nogales to flip the electric switch that will send 850,000 volts of electricity through the entire length of the Arizona portion of the border wall that separates the United States from The Republic of Mexico.
The governor said that undercover agents working for the state of Arizona at a cost of $95 an hour have discovered that 99.7 percent of all illegal aliens who enter the U.S. through Arizona are carrying illegal drugs manufactured in Colombia, Venezuela, and Antarctica.
She went on to say that just this past Saturday, border patrol agents arrested one Carlos "Chippy" Chistoso, a 26-year-old professional illegal alien from the southern Mexican state of Yucatan.
When agents strip searched Chistoso, but not in a gay way, they found that he had managed to stash a total of 712 pounds of Durango Bango Marijuana in his boxer shorts.
When agents asked Chistoso how in the world he managed to conceal 712 pounds of marijuana in his underwear, Chippy blushed a little bit, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Well I guess maybe ease because I have a little bitty pee-pee."
Another illegal alien a female named Nora Cora De La Pompadora, 72, was caught hiding 593 pounds of Tabasco Grasso neatly tucked in her labia majora.
When Mrs. De La Pompadora was asked to comment she remarked, "Chit man, dee pain dat I get from gibbing childbirth tu fisteen (15) babies combinded duz not compare tu dee pain of stuffing 593 pounds of TG (Tabasco Grasso) into my sexy ju-know-what.
Governor Brewer says that the citizens of Arizona are thrilled with all of the great stuff she has come up with to make her state more civilized, organized, and notorized.
SIDENOTE: There is talk that Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska may ask Governor Jan Brewer to be her vice-presidential running mate in 2012. Palin has noted that they could run with the campaign slogan: "Palin and Brewer: Two Gals - Four Balls - No Wieners - and A Little Bit of Chest Hair."