An asteroid has been sighted which may miss Earth or might wipe out all of life on this planet.
Shorters on the stock market have been taking positions on Earth being hit so they can make a load of money in the short term before they are eliminated by the end of the world.
In the US, President Obama has insisted that GOD put billions of dollars into an Escrow account to pay for the rebuilding of the planet
"It's an Act of God, therefore God should pay", said Obama rapidly shifting responsiblity onto anyone but his Administration
Meanwhile BP continue to move towards capping the well and getting on with the job in hand.
A BP spokesman shrugged his shoulders and said, "If it's the end of the world, it's the end of the world, we can't do anything about it.
However, if it's not the end of the world, we reckon our Share Price will be well up from current levels by this time next year"