Written by Eloquent Prattle
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Topics: Jesus, History

Monday, 28 March 2005

image for DaVinci Code Actually Reveals Location of Hoffa
Could scientists really be on to the location of Jimmy Hoffa?

Forget what you think you know about Jimmy Hoffa being buried under the end zone at Giants Stadium. Christians studying "The DaVinci Code" have discovered the book and ancient beliefs do not actually pertain to the history of Jesus Christ. Instead, it talks about the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa.

Christians, and Scientists alike, have realized everything they previously interpreted about the DaVinci code speaking about "Jesus" is actually a different name. When the ancient Italian was originally deciphered, we did not have current technology to properly decode DaVinci's texts.

"See, here we thought this meant 'sus', but it's actually 'mmy'. That means the code doesn't refer to someone named 'Jesus' as we originally thought." Explained Cardinal Bob from the Vatican in Rome, pointing to the original writings of DaVinci. "We see something that could refer to the name 'Jesus' and everyone starts freaking out and assuming things. After we did more research, it's obvious Leonardo was talking about Jimmy Hoffa."

New interest has been sparked in DaVinci's original writings, referred to as "The DaVinci Code", after popularity rose in the "DaVinci Code" book written by Dan Brown. The book has caused debates over the legitimacy of Christianity and had originally been banned by the Vatican.

"When you look closely at this, it talks here about a leader who guided the workers. Then, it says something about the 'birthplace of the automobile'. We believe that to mean Detroit." Cardinal Bob went on to explain how it is obvious the text refers to Jimmy Hoffa. "We are still working on finding the exact meaning, but there's something here about jail, Nixon, and the "Machus Red Fox" restaurant in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan."

What does the text reveal about Jimmy Hoffa's whereabouts, today?

"We’re still working on an precise location, but it would seem he ran a Whataburger chain in San Antonio, Texas, until the late 80's. After that, we're not sure what happened to him." Cardinal Bob is positive Hoffa is in Texas, but will continue to do research as to his true location and which country club he belongs to.

"It's all in here, we just have to re-decipher everything. Considering Hoffa's current age, we're hoping to find him alive."

Aren't we all hoping that, Cardinal Bob? Aren't we all.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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