A pissed-off President Obama, reeling from the blasting he took from General McChrystal in the infamous Rolling Stone article, said that he would never name another heterosexual male to a command level position, saying that they are all "loose testosterone cannons."
"I have notified my Secretary of Defense, Bob Gates, to test all heterosexual flag level male officers to determine if they have inappropriately high testosterone levels. I am tired of taking shit from these cowboys. If they won't follow my orders I will have them castrated."
Pointing out that he has had no trouble controlling the lesbians he has appointed to his cabinet, he will appoint a "Rainbow Ribbon" commission to search for gay and lesbian officers who might be more submissive to his decrees.
Pouting his chicken lips in indignation, the President ended his statement by saying "it's time to kick ass and take names."