Written by anthonyrosania

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Tuesday, 22 June 2010

image for Jerry Seinfeld to Lady Gaga: "Get off of my lawn, ya whipper-snapper!""
"I know that we are young, And I know that you may love me, But I just can't be with you like this anymore, Alejandr

July 5, 1989: President Reagan was retired to California, Bush 41 hadn't yet unleashed his son, the Antichrist, on us. Mel Blanc, Laurence Olivier and Ferdinand Marcos were still among the living -barely- and "Seinfeld", a show starring hip, young comedian Jerry Seinfeld, debuted on NBC.

Fast forward 21 years: Seinfeld The Show is relegated to syndication purgatory, most of the co-stars are dead (well, their careers are dead, anyway,) and those that are left are rich, out of touch, and messing a Depends three times a day.

This is all proven by FIFTY SIX YEAR OLD Jerry Seinfeld, who lashed out at attention-sponge Lady Gaga after she was afforded use of Seinfeld's luxury SkyBox at a recent Mets - Yankees game.

"This woman is a jerk. I hate her," Seinfeld said on an unlistened-to sports radio show Monday night. "I know she was there to dig that crazy scene, but wowzers, daddy-o, she needs to agitate the gravel and blow. "

After Lady Gaga announced that she'd never heard of Seinfeld, he had this to say: "She had the nerve to say 'What are we doin', poopin' around with dumb broads for? Well, I and Velma ain't dumb! No thank you. [snap] Oooo. [snap] Ooo-belee-oo. And you can punctuate it... [snap] Ooo."

"Here's a list of people younger than Seinfeld," said Lady Gaga, clearly using Wikipedia to research her list, as if she was writing an article for a satire news story website. "Rowan Atkinson, Kevin Costner, Eddie Van Halen, Kelsey Grammer, Steve Jobs, Gary Sinise, Reba McEntire, Janet Ellis, Tom Bergeron, and many more, which I would know if I researched further."

Lady Gaga concluded: "And why was Seinfeld given the 'I and Velma ain't dumb' line from West Side Story? We couldn't find a line delivered by a male? It's too far of a stretch for the joke. It's hacky, it doesn't work, and should be removed now, or I swear on m foreskin I will NEVER read this crap again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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