Jesus sent word through a spokesbeing today that it was time to put an end to "those silly one-liners" on roadside church signs that have continued to proliferate throughout the United States like a plague over the past three decades.
Though nothing has been confirmed, the rumored tipping point for the Son of God was said to have been a sign at West Hills Disciples of Christ Church which read, "Upload Jesus to your heart drive."
"I mean really, who can blame him?" said a seraph who asked not to be identified. "He bit his lip with The Church of Heaven's 'God Answers Knee-Mail,' and the Fellowship Bible Church's 'The Best Vitamin for a Christian is B1,' but everyone has a threshold."
When the modern trend of witty signage was born in 1978 with the River Falls Baptist Church classic, "What is missing from ch--ch? U R," the field was ripe for self-expression. But too often, pastors went for the cheap but easy "hot as hell" humor ("How will you spend eternity: Smoking or non-smoking?"), or more recently tried to appear tech-savvy with offerings such as "There are some questions that can't be answered by Google" and "Prayer--Wireless access to God with no roaming fee."
"It's been fun, but it's been done," the seraph said. "It was His decision, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a welcome change. If I had to hear that 'Recipe for Holy Water--Boil the Hell Out of It' bit one more time, I'd beg demotion to Ishim!"