Gulf of Mexico - (Apocalyptic Mess): The US Geological Survey has issued a tsunami warning ahead of a widely anticipated Havana earthquake on Fidel Castro's 13 August birthday.
The tremor monitoring agency says such a quake could lift the billions of gallons of oil/water mix languishing in the Mexican Gulf and deposit them on steadily depleting Texan onshore crude drilling sites.
Last month a Spoof writer reported that the imminent arrival of the US hurricane season could play a pivotal part in the redistribution of the beleaguered Deepwater Horizon liquid assets.
By factoring in potential Cuban tsunami activity the BP fiasco now threatens the very core of American domestic security.
Last night President Obama ordered a full scale Pentagon sweep of missing Soviet nuclear powered submarines that went down off Havana's territorial waters around the time of the Cuban Missal Crisis of 1962.
This saw millions of Vatican prayerbooks used as ballast to shield Castro's border claims around the Caribbean island KGB powerhouse.
Tony Hayward is 69.