SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A Nob Hill resident was treated for a mild concussion after being knocked out cold by a transsexual in the streets of San Francisco Saturday night.
James Foreman said he had just popped out for a pack of smokes and was returning home when a fight broke out in front of The Motherload between what appeared to be "two larger than average sized females."
"One of them was talking really fast, cussing the other one out in Spanish, I think, really sassy," Foreman recalled. "Then, the other one slapped her, and they started pulling each other's hair and clawing at each other like crazy. Everyone in the area sort of converged on them, and all of a sudden there was a mob."
The gathering crowd began to careen wildly, he said, moving with the struggling pair as they pushed and shoved each other back and forth across the street.
"Next thing I knew, they were up on the sidewalk, and I was right in the middle of it. I got elbowed a few times. They ended up one on either side of me, scratching and grabbing at each other. I could feel their breath, and the spit was hitting me in face; they were screaming and cussing, so I was like, 'That's enough, that's enough!' and tried to shove them apart."
That's when Foreman said he noticed they weren't ladies at all, and that one of them was losing her wig besides.
He said that's also when he noticed he had just been hit in the back of the head with a beer bottle.
"I let go and turned around, and there was this tranny. You know how when you're in a dangerous situation or you're under stress or something and time seems like it's going by really slow? Well, that's how this was.
"I was like, 'Damn, she's kinda hot. Cute face, nice rack, but she must be six-foot-four! And look at those big ass hands, and those knuckles. She's gonna kick my ass!'
"Then I started thinking, 'Hey, wait a second, it's okay to hit a guy if you really have to, but you should never hit girls. So, what about a tranny? Do you decide on a case by case basis? If so, using what criteria? Is this more of a male or a female? It's hard to tell. I don't see any five o'clock shadow, but maybe he just shaved.
"'You know, when this is all over, I think I'd like some macaroni and cheese, but right now, I'm about to get my ass kicked by a chick with a dick, so think, damn it! Snap out of it!'"
As a compromise, he said he had finally decided to attempt to deliver a "glancing blow" when he was knocked unconscious by a devastating right hook from the brawny she-male known as Patricia Nylons, and he never even saw it coming.
"If you ask me," said Nylons, watching bystanders revive Foreman a few minutes later, "that guy fights like a girl. Maybe he's the one who should be wearing a dress!"