Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: School, Human Rights

Tuesday, 22 March 2005

image for Minnesota School Boy Granted ‘Right To Die' By Federal Judge, US Leads World In Human Rights
US Leads the World in the 'Right to Die'

Jeff Weise was slightly upset about his rifle range and hand gun control school grades and so quite rightly, contacted the local Federal Judge so that he could have legal permission to exercise ‘his right to die'. The Federal Judge was bound by the latest Bush legislation to offer Jeff Weise a wide range of options from death by starvation to death by radiation from the core of a nuclear reactor. Jeff aged 16 went for the most popular US teenager option, death by shooting in his local school.

Unfortunately, Jeff Weise's school grades in shooting were confirmed as he required a very large number of aimless shots in order to exercise his option under the US Human Rights Charter. Despite the fact that he had two handguns as well as a shotgun, he had to discharge over 1256 rounds before he could complete his ‘Right To Die'. Numerous other individuals participated in Jeff Weise's ‘Right To Die' including a security guard, several of his teachers and about 15 of his school friends.

Paul McCabe, an FBI spokesman in Minneapolis, said the boy first tried death by starvation and had started this exercise at 8 am and even waited for 4 hours but to no effect and so he went to Red Lake High School where he was a pupil to shoot himself.

At the center of the right- to-life versus the right-to-die controversy swirling around the US Bush administration, there is a crucial logistical and medical question that is too easily ignored. What is the proper role of the Federal Judge in these cases? Should the Federal Judge decide and rule which technique should be used? Should the Federal Court Judges actually carry out the ‘Right To Die' option on the patients behalf and what are the legal implications if they make a mess of the whole thing? It can not and should not be assumed that doctors can be also employed and legally obliged to starve the Federal Court cases and what happens if the patients just lie about their eating habits and keep on eating Big Macs and fries everyday?

The possibility that Jeff Weise could have suffered discomfort from dehydration and starvation whilst undertaking the shooting incident in order to exercise his rights is very disturbing and it is expected that increasing the morphine availability in these cases would have brought relief until he was able to complete his task.

However, many US physicians and neurologists are very unhappy about the new legislation introduced by US President Bush who is in a persistent vegetative state in the White House and argue that whilst he has not got worse or improved enough during 2 terms to justify classic ‘handgun' euthanasia on the other hand, they see little point in continuing to use feeding tubes as the cortex of his brain is dead. Judge James Whittemore confirmed today the doctors' legal obligation to starve the brain dead US President.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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