Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 18 June 2010

image for Homeland Security to Nation: Anybody Seen Our Missing Afghans...the Ones with Guns?
Enlarged Satellite Spy Cam Spots AWOL Afghan Soldiers in Abandoned Arizona National Park!

Homeland Security Chief Janet Napilatano dropped a bombshell on Americans today when she let it slip she had just noticed that 17 Afghans in the US for weapons training, and issued Security Passes, seem to have gone missing. But only in the last two years!

Along with the Afghans that had just completed advanced training in counter terrorist activities including car bomb construction, poppy growing, distillation of heroin, infiltration and poisoning of urban water supplies, a significant number of weapons and munitions were also missing from the Red Stone arsenal, "although we can't be sure, because we always seem to have some shrinkage on those items, " said an unconscious Napiltano who also happens to be the former governor of Arizona.

Weapons alleged to be missing are 200,000 refurbished M-16's from the Viet Nam era now declared 'jam proof' by technicians at Mattel charged with remedying the problem.

A 'significant number' of M-40 grenade launchers, .50 Caliber Barrett Sniper rifles, mortars and claymore mines also can't be accounted for .

Napilatano discounts reports that a collection of SCUD missiles captured in Iraq are also missing, saying, "I doubt anybody could carry them, and besides they never go where they're aimed, at least half the time."

The trainees, recruited in Afghanistan by John Kerry, senator from Massachusetts and Chairman of the Foreign Relations and Terrorist Exchange committee, where never vetted, and a former CIA official who quit in disgust over the move, says most of the 17 are related to highly placed Taliban and Al Qaeda operatives along the Pakistan Border.

That same officials said that by now the group has split up heading to either sanctuary cities in Boston, Seattle, Portland or San Francisco, and says some cadre has been set up in Arizona in the recently abandoned National Park where the Federal Government has refused to conduct operations to root out Mexican Drug Cartels, huge Marijuana growing plots, and half way houses for Muslim Extremists getting documentations and weapons.

According to Federal Officials, in order to root the criminals out, they would have to mount an extensive motorized campaign with armored vehicles, thereby causing harm to the endangered San Francisco Tit Mouse, and a threat to the Mexican Chupacabra that sought asylum after being banned by Felipe Calderon as a 'pest.'

Labeled the 'Nation's Most Dangerous National Park', the 3500 acre Orgon Pipe Cactus Monument is said to be 'too dangerous' to approach.' According to inside sources, an interconnecting set of tunnels rivals that found in Chu Chi near Saigon after the war, and it is even rumoured the tunnels now stretch as far east as New York City, and an even bigger 4 lane tunnel funnels drugs and money toward Chicago.

Informed of the potential terrorist threat, and the missing munitions, President Obama appeared concerned. "Shit....hey Gibbs, call the club, tell them to hold the Tee Time for another 15 minutes!"

Obama said he would deal with the situation 'by the end of the day...count on it...I'm sure there's another Nobel Prize Winner I can find somewhere to chair a commission to look into it....probably an isolated incident by some right wing nut. Am I perfectly clear on that?"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 5?

9 5 1 15

Go to top