Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Drugs, kidnapping

Friday, 18 June 2010

image for Bulls-it Excuse Of The Century: Jeremy London Says He Was Forced To Drink and Do Drugs At Gunpoint!
"What is that, a gun?" (Snickers.) "OK, I'll finish the bowl of Vicodin."

Lindsay Lohan: "I can't BELIEVE I never thought of that! Can I change my pleas in all of my court cases?"

Jeremy London, the 37 year old actor that played Griffin on some show that the chick from Wild Things was on, claimed that he was forced at gunpoint to drink and take drugs in a bizarre car kidnapping in California last week.

London, an admitted recovering drug abuser working part time for AAA to supplement his meager welfare dole, was fixing a flat tire outside a hotel in Palm Springs when two men approached to help him. The gunman then decided to use London as a taxi service, forcing him to drive to various locations throughout the city.

The kidnappers then "forced" London to buy alcohol and smoke crack cocaine, all while at gunpoint.

The story then gets weirder: These alleged kidnappers forced London to drive to Las Vegas, where he spent the next 36 hours swallowing a combination of cleaning fluid and Benadryl, gambling at a $500.00 minimum craps table, and received at least 3-5 "hummers" from silicone-augmented Brazilian strippers.

"The last straw was doing absinthe body shots off of Nicky Hilton's abdomen while having my prostate milked by Swedish hookers. If there wasn't a gun to my head, I would never have done such a thing," said London, while lighting an illegal Cuban Cohiba cigar with a flaming 'window pane' of LSD hits.

Lindsay Lohan, ostensibly emboldened by London's admission, also stated that she was also forced to drink and do cocaine while at gunpoint on at least 350 occasions from 2002-2009.

"Thank God for Jeremy London," said Lohan. "Without his courage, I would never have told the world a similar lie."

Allegedly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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