Written by Angus Denandra
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Monday, 21 March 2005

After much debate over the past six years about what drove Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold to do what they did on April 20th, 1999, George W Bush has come to a conclusion.The Spoof got a chance to have a brief interview with the president Friday while he was on his way to a meeting.

Spoof: Mr. President, what is your opinion on why two teenagers were driven to murder at their high school?

George W: " Society has blamed video game violence for what happened on that tragic day, and they have done everything but look at the truth. On one of the killer's computers, the Littleton police found a small file of pornography (the president then did twenty hail marries and continued). I believe that this is what forces people to the limit. There is only so much that a person can handle in life and with the stresses of high school, who can deal with pornography? Pornography is pure evil and it acted as an invitation for Satan himself to put evil into the boy's minds. "

S: That is very interesting, but what do you think about violence in video games, media, and bullies at school?

GW: " Violence is not problem at all, I would know, I am the a war president"

S: What are you trying to do to prevent another Columbine?

GW: " My Administration and me, are makin' sure that the kids are gettin' good education, so that they ain't gettin no bad grammar and so they can have somethin to focus on, and we are makin sure that they are staying away from the evil ways of pornography so that Satan can't get to their heads, I would know, I'm a registered Christian. Hopefully in the near future we can put a stop to evil doers such as, Larry Flynt and Hugh Heffner."

S: Is there a message you want to send to troubled children out there dealing with bullies?

GW: " Stay away from the pornography, follow the bibles rules, and don't worry about the bullies. It is all in god's plans. Him and me have a very special connection. There are some things that we are not supposed to know, but the bullies are in god's plan. He has a reason for everything."


Mr. Bush is now starting a war on pornography and has set up cameras in almost a third of the population's bedrooms and bathrooms, making sure that no one goes against the word of god. He has shut down all pornography stores and is planning to set up 3 million more cameras by late 2007.

He said to the press Sunday , " Eliminating pornography from this country is the key to preventing another Columbine, we can not continue to give the devil more ways to get to the youth. "

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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