Written by anthonyrosania
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Thursday, 17 June 2010

image for Calista Flockhart and her Grandfather Marry in Secret New Mexico Ceremony
Artist's rendering of what Flockhart would look like if she gained 50 lbs.

Sources report that Calista Flockhart --a woman who hasn't had a job since I paid AOL $19.95 a month for dial-up-- and a man reported to be Flockhart's 83-year old grandfather were married in a secret ceremony in New Mexico last weekend.

Extra security was hired for the event, both because New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson presided over the wedding, and because buzzards kept swarming the bride, thinking her to be skeletal remains of a victim of the New Mexico desert.

The groom looked dashing in a coffin-ready black tuxedo, while the bride was lovely, if somewhat unable to ambulate, under the weight of her white chiffon dress.

The groom had a handsome supper of lamb with mint jelly, while the bride split an M&Ms with her Maid of Honor.

Guests were stunned by the affection the couple obviously had for one another, and by the stunning resemblance the groom had to Calista's former boyfriend, chronic mumbler Harrison Ford, if the actor was really, really old.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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