WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack "Barry" Obama gave what will certainly go down as one of his shortest prime time television speeches of his administration.
President Brobama, as he was nicknamed by Louisiana stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree, said that the 61,000 barrels a day leak has now been reduced to 60,000 barrels.
He stressed that it's a tremendous savings of 1,000 barrels a day, which is enough to run all of Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, Niecy Nash, Aretha Franklin, and Kelly Clarkson's combined kitchen appliances for three days non-stop.
The president went on to say "Now I want ev'ry American living in da United States, whether dey be legal or illegal ta not spend one single moment worrying about dis damn black gunky mess dat da BP people have caused.
And lemmy say dat I have my peoples, which number 30,000, down there wiff washcloths, sponges, dishrags, and old discarded t-shirts wiping all of dat horrible stinkin mother effen oil off of da local pelicans, flamingos, hummingbirds, and ostriches.
And dey are also trying ta wipe all of da oil off of da fishes, dolphins, porpoises, turtles, minnows, and gators."
President Obama pointed out that there ain't nothing harder or more dangerous than trying to wipe embedded oil off of a full grown adult alligator. But he said that he has a crack team of 7 men and women who have been specially trained in alligator oil removal techniques.
Brobama went on to say that even though the once beautiful bayous of southern Louisiana now look like parts of Detroit, all Americans, tall, short, skinny, fat, legal, illegal, Democratic, and even some of dem Glenn Beckish cry-babying tea baggers will all help to get Louisiana looking back to what she looked like before, and that is a hot, mosquito infested, sulfur-smelling hell hole.
The president started laughing and said that he was just kidding and only trying to inject some humor since his favored Boston Celtics lost game six to the Los Angeles Lakers.
Brobama smiled and said that if he did not live in Illinois he would want to live in Louisiana, or Texas, or Oklahoma, but not in Arizona or Alaska no way, no how, no McCain.
In other news. Charlie Sheen who just had his second 2010 Mercedes-Benz stolen and driven off of a cliff in Sherman Oaks, California, has said that while he is waiting for his next 2010 Mercedes-Benz to come in from Michigan, he will be using public transportation or hitchhiking.