Next week, The San Francisco City Council will require all men between the ages of 12 and 80 to post their most recent sperm count on their zippers so that the women of that quaint City by the Bay will be able to decide more intelligently who's the most fertile or the most dangerous depending on priorities.
Exclusions to this law will be gay men. They will not be required to display a Zipper-Sperm Count. However, if a male suspect does not have a Zipper-Sperm Count prominently displayed he will be subject to a stop-and-search. To prove his "Gay-ness" he will have to carry a photo of Judy Garland in his wallet.
No Zipper-Sperm Count...no Judy Garland photo: 1 year in Alcatraz!
This initiative resulted from the Council's most recent coup: Despite any objective proof, the City Council of San Francisco voted to require all retailers to display the amount of radiation each phone emits.
The law, believed to be the first of its kind in the nation, came despite a lack of conclusive scientific evidence showing that the devices are dangerous.