New Orleans LA: The legendary Louisiana Swamp Monster Fred announced today he is leaving the bayous to find a quieter place to reside.
Fred told reporters that Louisiana was very serene until Emperor Napoleon and the French showed up. President Jefferson dispatched Napoleon by buying the place, unfortunately only to have the British invade. General Andrew Jackson and some pirates defeated the British and things were placid again until this Huey Long fellow appeared. But that chapter also passed! Oh, I forgot a couple of world wars.
Then that bitch Hurricane Katrina blew in, messing up the place and the finger pointing politicians materialized. I was beginning to relax again, when the British again managed to screw up my solitude by fouling up the water with oil! But of course the finger pointing politicians are now also here.
"Where are you going Fred?" asked the reporters. "Kansas" he replied.