President Obama will soon be on his way to South Africa to try and get the South Africans to relinquish their cherished vuvuzela horns so that the rest of the FIFA World Cup can be played in peace. The eyes of the world are now on Barack "the Fixer" Obama to finally bring some peace and quiet to the South African stadiums during matches.
"I've gotten a flood of calls from all over the world begging me to forget the oil spill for now and get on over to South Africa and see if I can talk some sense into my fellow countrymen about those dang blasted vuvuzelas, so I'm headed over there just as soon as I finish kicking Tony Hayward's ass," said President Obama. Not one to miss an opportunity, however, President Obama is going to use his multi-tasking talents to rid the world of two menaces, the oil spill mishandling and the vuvuzela craze, with one fell swoop.
Obama is hoping to buy all the vuvuzelas at twice what the South African's paid for them. This, of course, will be done with American taxpayers' dollars. He will then have the vuvuzelas shipped over to the United States and give them to the good people of New Orleans to blow non-stop toward the hotel suites occupied by the oil company executives. "Maybe they have heard the vuvuzelas as they languished in their suites watching the England vs. USA soccer match. Maybe they know how insidious the sound can be. We hope they enjoy their wake-up call and hope that it will spur them to action to take the resolution of the oil spill matter a bit more seriously," said Obama.
Many are counting on Obama to succeed in his mission. In addition to the tax money he is willing to throw at the vuvuzela problem, the President has said that he will also offer amnesty to any South Africans now illegally living in the United States who can prove they have relatives who own vuvuzelas. While this will undoubtedly anger his political opponents, he believes it is the only way he'll be able to fully wrest the horns from his countrymen's lips.