Written by Morse
Print this

Monday, 14 June 2010

image for SC Alvin Greene Election Mystery Deepens As Dems Claim Links to Bush (Say What?!)
Alvin Greene Celebrating Mysterious Election Victory Even Scares His Own Party!

A 32 year old unemployed, broke, involuntary discharged black Army Veteran has turned South Carolina democratic politics on it's ear and has politicians pissing in their shoes after he blew out their anointed pick for the US senate in last week's primary.

Alvin Greene, who by his own admission never campaigned, stayed home and watched TV, never raised money, and doesn't have a campaign staff, blew out his opponent by 40 points in the run away election contest.

His opponent, who raised $85m, never campaigned, has his brother in law as a campaign manager and his hair stylist as his PR rep, also stayed at home during the campaign and said, "I just don't get it. I had this locked up...I'm no Martha Coakley....George Bush did me in...this is Spooky!

This conspiracy theme is now picking up steam with Democratic Majority Whip James Clyburn long time racial shit stirrer and in the top 5 for pork barrel spending and handing out grants to suspicious non profits, sometimes involving relatives, said famously, "This deal has got ELEPHANT DUNG all over it...and I know where it's coming from!"

Cyburn's comments were echoed from the White House with chief aide David Axelrod saying "I'm shocked! This couldn't have happened in Chicago. When we buy an election, it stays bought," pointing to a photo of JFK in his office.

Rahm Emanuel chimed in saying, "What the F***** is going on here with these monkeys in North Carolina....don't they know who's payin' the bills down there...we set this up....someone offered Greene a cabinet position where he couldn't screw anything up, I think it was Quality Control for Obama Motors, whatever, the F*****wouldn't take it...what do you think...that C****S***** Bush got to him....BASTARD!"

In a press conference Clyburn laid out his case against Greene and the Republicans.

"First, Alvin can't spell 'library' and he claims he hasn't been in one. What does that tell ya.

"Second, after being discharged from Ft. Lewis in Washington State, he spent 4 weeks on a Trail Ways bus trying to get home. That Bus stopped for gas and a pit stop in Arlington. Greene said he missed his connection because he wanted to take in a Ranger game. Hmmmph...Ranger Game my Ass. See where I'm comin' from Bro?

"Thirdly, the man don't twitter! He don't even have a Facebook account. Come to find out he don't have no cell phone. What kinda Black Man don't have no cell phone...There you have it. Alvin Greene just got be some kind of
Bushocrat Republican put up to embarrass us Democrats!

"Lastly, I don't think Alvin is Black, come to think on it! He may look black, he may sound black, he may walk black...and remember his trial on pornography is pending so he's got no felony record....YET....he'd sure don't seem all that Black to me!"

International scribe Duncan Whithead, writing for The Sun, where he also is chief photographer for the popular Page 3, said from his hideout somewhere in Scotland, " This'll be a true test for the cousins. Land of the Free and All that. Why should they be different than the rest of us! They're just as likely to elect some dumb shit as our lot . We'll just have to Wait and See!"

And this just in. While the controversy on Greene Swirls, Democratic NC congressman Bob Etheridge 'went berserk' in downtown DC today when two college students on a project tried to conduct a man on the street interview with the question ' do you support Obama's policies?"

His face contorted with rage, Etheridge knocked the camera aside, grabbed the young man by the wrist, quickly attempted to put him a head lock, spittle running down his chin, and refused to let go until he realized he was still being filmed.

Apologizing later on national TV, "Bubba" Bob explained his actions saying, "I thought they were from Texas and I got scared, real scared!"

Whitehead said he will stay on top of this late breaking story as well and might have to 'fly over to see WTF is going on over there!"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 plus 4?

5 23 7 25
55 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more