The first hurricane of the season, forming about 1,400 miles east of Caribbean has announced that it will make landfall in Louisiana.
"Yeah, gonna go right up the Gulf Coast of Florida," said Hurricane Bieber, now 175 miles wide. "I want to check out what those BP assholes did to the ocean, and them I am gonna smash right into the Louisiana Bayou."
Not surprisingly, energy traders keeping a close eye on storms that could disrupt offshore U.S. oil and natural gas production have already panicked like little schoolgirls, sending bidding on Oil Futures through the roof.
"At this rate," said a NASDAQ insider, "A barrel of oil could cost $338.00 by the end of the day. This would translate to gas costing $14.50 - $16.00 a gallon by the July Fourth weekend."
Asked why it was targeting Louisiana, which has already been on the sh-tty end of the stick in many natural disasters in recent years, the Hurricane was defiant: "Look, True Blood is a hit for HBO, and the New Orleans Saints won the damned Super Bowl! That ain't right. I'm just trying to remind the people of Louisiana that God hates them. He hates them so much."