Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Oil, bp, Chevron

Monday, 14 June 2010

image for Karmic payback as mighty Chevron war chest poised to swoop on BP fire sale
Piles of Chevron cash ready to pounce on humbled BP

San Ramon - (Crude Mess): Years of murky shenanigans by BP's disgraced perjuring former CEO Lord Browne look set to rebound on the London-based supermajor.

Exquisitely choreographed acts of espionage, insider dealing, dirty tricks and outright chicanery are about to get their comeuppance as the Gulf of Mexico oil spill corporation prepares to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

And waiting poised in the wings is San Ramon-based Chevron whose extraordinary burgeoning war chest is ready to swallow up choice cuts of BP's global operations.

Big Oil insiders said this week they always suspected Lord Browne of masterminding a BAe-style BP slushfund that bankrolls Opus Dei in Ecuador.

Masquerading as the Amazon Offence Coalition this renegade ragbag of justice perverting wackjobs has menaced Chevron in risible, pernicious lawsuits targeting a $27 billion heist on its balance sheet.

Last week a secret CIA report linked a Crawford, Texas-based BP dirty tricks offshoot to the systematic harrassment of Chevron stockholders.

And at the heart of its findings the probe found a direct DNA paternity match for George W Bush and Ecuador's daftass President RafaelCorrea.

The report also details how 30 years ago the renegade slushfund stumped up $40 million for Princess Diana's wedding, $25 million for IRA supporting act services and another $10 million in whitewashing Bill and Hillary Clinton's Whitewater fiasco.

It lays the blame squarely on Lord Browne's shoulders and says he would never have got the BP job if he hadn't been Ronald reagan and Princess Margaret's secret lovechild.

Wannabe supermajor Zion Oil wants to start drilling in the Golan Heights next week following a tipoff from Bernard Madoff creditors in Wyoming.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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