United States' high-muckety-muck, President Barack Obama, has delved into the Cold War strategy book to pull a play thought to be retired in 1945: He is threatening the launching of intercontinental nuclear missiles directly at the United Kingdom, in retaliation for the mess British Petroleum (BP) made of the Gulf Coast.
In days past, Obama has been accused of f-cking over BP stockholders, allegedly erasing billions off the company's value with his criticism of the company that took the world's largest petrochemical sh-t in the Gulf of Mexico. Before the accident on April 20th, BP was Great Britain's biggest company, with a stock market value of 122 billion pounds Sterling, which is worth approximately $3,600 in real, American money. Since then, 49 billion pounds, or $1,500, has been wiped off its value.
Now, since BP can't figure out a way to plug up the big frigging hole in the world that is killing every living organism from Texas to Florida, Obama believes they should get a big taste of Big-Daddy Death, atomic style.
"Let's not forget," Obama said. "The United Kingdom have foisted injury after injury on the good people of this Nation, which our forefathers stole from Great Britian some 240 years ago. "
"If we put aside the harm British Petroleum has done to our Gulf Coast, should we then forget about Piers Morgan. How about Anne Robinson? Her catchphrase was 'you are the weakest link'? LAME!"
"Should we just ignore the damage Simon Cowell's done? Or that fat chick Jo from Supernanny. What a twat SHE is, right? Gordon Ramsay? Nigel Barker? Hugh Laurie? My fellow Americans, they Knighted the guy from The Boomtown Rats, for chrissake! Great Britian must be STOPPED!"