Philadelphia, PA-- The Sisters of Our Lady of Bong Hits are in the news again. The Roman Catholic order of nuns is dedicated to spreading the word of God and the wonders of marijuana to a disbelieving world. Last week, the nuns burned a million tons of marijuana in a bonfire at their convent. The resulting cloud drifted over the city of Philadelphia, making everyone stoned for days.
"Only stoned people go to Heaven." said Sister Sinsenilla. "Our Lord created marijuana for His children to be closer to Him." she declared. Sister Sinsenilla had the idea for the bonfire, and it seemed to work. Thousands of Philadelphians have converted to Roman Catholicism already.
"Come join us, become a Sister of Our Lady of Bong Hits! You will understand the mysteries of the Trinity much better when you're stoned!" laughed Sister Maryjane. The red-eyed nun is the gardener for the convent. All of Sister Maryjane's marijuana plants are over 20 feet high.
Sister Alice B. Toklas is the cook for Our Lady of Bong Hits. The smiling sister spends her days making hash butter and cooking hash brownies.
"Have a nice, warm brownie, it's just out of the oven!" she said with a smile. "There are many paths to God, but marijuana is the nicest way, don't you think??" she asked sweetly.
Soon, it was time for the nuns' daily stroll through the city. Sister Sinsenilla, Sister Maryjane, and Sister Alice B. Toklas walked happily down the street, handing out hash brownies to strangers, and converting many more souls to the Roman Catholic faith.
"Bong hits for Jesus! Bong hits for Mary and Joseph!" they cackled, as they roamed the streets.