Written by Mike Monpas
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Topics: Drugs, bailout, Cannabis

Friday, 11 June 2010

image for Government Bails Out Pot Farmers
Lance Keeblestone

It hasn't been easy for marijuana growers these days. Along with the downturn in the world wide economy, pot farmers are facing increasing legalization in states such as California and Colorado where anyone with a pulse can easily acquire a medicinal marijuana license. This has caused a steady downturn in the price of their crop, forcing many growers to even begin thinking about another line of work.

"I love Obama, man, thank God for Obama, that's what I say," said Lance Keeblestone, a Vermont pot grower. "He's bailing us out, and just in time too. Sure, people like smoking their weed, and they love it even more when they can get it cheap for like twenty or thirty bucks a bag. But what about me? No one seems to give much of a shit about the pot grower, but Obama has heard our voices in the wilderness, and he's gonna save us all."

Apparently pot farming is a lot harder than it looks.

"Dude," said Jeffery Walstein, a full-time Humboldt State graduate student seeking his masters in Urban Mythology. "Like man, I am going to school to get my masters, and at the same time I have a mega crop of home-grown to attend to in my one bedroom apartment."

Jeffery took a drag from a hand-rolled joint and continued, "It's like totally hectic for me right now. I have finals coming up, it's almost harvest time, and then I've got all my friends coming over, sneaking buds off my plants. It's like they think I'm rich just because I grow weed. Dude, it's like no one gets it. I have to get the seeds, plant them, then there's the constant watering like every other day. It's hard work, but finally we have a President that cares about us. Now I can rest easy, and not have to worry so much."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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