Written by Amethyst Ryder
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Topics: Stupid, accident

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for Man runs over neighbor child with riding lawn mower
Donough Whut: "What's the big deal?"

The sleepy little suburb of Shadyville was shaken early Sunday when Donough Whut, 42, was taken into custody on charges of running over a two-year-old child with a lawn mower.

"What's the big deal?" he said. "I was mowing my lawn, giving my awesome new riding mower a little test drive, there, and I thought I'd be a nice guy and mow the neighbors' lawn while I was at it. Not my fault the kid decided to be in the path of the mower right at the moment I was checking out my Facebook page on my cell phone."

The neighbors, whose names are being withheld out of respect for their request for privacy in their time of grief, had no comment to make, although the father of the child did hint he might look into "borrowing" the Shadyville Zoo's Siberian tiger for a few days.

Whut, who was released on bail on Sunday afternoon, reacted indignantly to the "lack of understanding" from his neighbors. "A guy tries to do a good deed and he gets crucified for it," he said. "Sure, it's sad. I guess. But they're young. They're healthy. They can always have another kid."

Fragments of the toddler are being gathered for a memorial service.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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