Written by jmf
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Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for Yellowstone Supervolcano to blow imminently
The Yellowstone eruption could displace around 75 million people

Scientists have gained a shocking new insight into the Caldera supervolcano which rumbles beneath Yellowstone national park. They say it could blow in less than 15 years.

If so, it means the USA's widely condemned decision to shun ratification of the Kyoto Protocol, along with the dissatisfying outcome to the 2009 Copenhagen conference last year- was the right one. If it erupted, then the ash emitted would cause a worldwide drop in temperatures by blocking the Sun's light, akin to a nuclear Winter.

Provided US scientists are right, then all climate change efforts are largely irrelevant. The Caldera is, in effect, a silver bullet solution. By erupting, it would completely reverse global warming. The earth would take over 100 years just to reheat to present levels, thus present global warming fears are unwarranted.

Vulcanologists claim it is 70% likely to erupt within two decades, and 65% likely within 15 years. The US president has taken the claims seriously, and has set up an early warning evacuation and relocation system, while other plans attempt to mitigate its effects.

All residents would have to leave the Mid West and relocate to either the East or West Coast. A 1500 mile wide threat zone has been identified, which is designated a no-go area, for all but military personnel and specialist scientific investigators.

If the caldera were to explode, then the USA would only have capacity to maintain 20% of its current food production. Obama has also initiated plans for a food stockpiling programme sufficient to feed 280 million Americans for five-years. McDonalds is in talks currently, but there will be many, many food producers and sellers involved, Obama stressed, in a nod to Burger King, no doubt intended to placate them.

Scientists say citizens will have a window of about three months, perhaps slightly more, to make plans and move. Japan and China have offered to accommodate up to 5 million Americans each, while Europe is expected to house about 20 million. This leaves about 40 million still in need of relocation, and it is thought these people will split evenly between the West and East Coast, with up to an additional million setting up a new life in Alaska. Scientists continue to monitor the situation, and hope to have more detailed analyses and eruption forecasts in the near future.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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