Written by Jeff Brone
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Topics: Oil, bp

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

image for BP: Oil spill now contained entirely within the Gulf of Mexico

Oil company BP recently announced that the massive oil spill was now contained in a patch of ocean no more than 300,000 square miles in size. "We feel this is a major containment" said a spokesperson for the oil giant "and want to assure gulf residents that the spill will probably not be ruining the lives of anyone outside of the gulf area. At least not as directly ruining their lives, anyway."

For a while the oil behemoth feared an "Ice 9" scenario such as the one described in Kurt Vonnegut's novel "Cat's Cradle" where the oil spill would multiply and engulf the whole world. "Boy, were we relieved to find out that novel was fiction" said the same BP spokesperson. He added "That was a scary few days till we talked to my uncle who reads a lot of Vonnegut's books. He's even read "God Bless You Mrs. Rosewater" like four times, so he knows what he's talking about."

When asked about what might happen if the oil spill continues for months, as some fear, the spokesman said that "we never really know what's going to happen from day to day, now do we? I prefer not to worry about the future too much. My uncle, the Vonnegut fan, recently was diagnosed with pink eye. Who could have seen that coming?"

He then wished his uncle well and said he hopes the diagnosis wouldn't limit his uncle's ability to counsel him on oil disaster related issues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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