Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 9 June 2010

image for Los Angeles Mayor Fears That If The Lakers Win The NBA Title The Fans Will Burn Down The City
A food stamp distribution center in La Brea which was burned to the ground by happy Lakers fans.

LOS ANGELES - The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa has expressed concern about the Los Angeles Lakers defeating the Boston Celtics and becoming the NBA world champions.

Villaraigosa has pointed out that every time the Lakers have won the NBA title the Laker fans go crazy and start celebrating by rioting in the streets, and setting fire to vehicles and burning down business establishments.

He stated that the last time the Lakers won the championship, celebratory fans torched six police cars and three fire trucks including a 90 foot long hook and ladder truck.

The mayor said that the following week after that unfortunate incident, he looked into the possibility of getting National Basketball Association championship riot and fire insurance but the premiums would have cost the city of Los Angeles, $250,000 a month.

Mayor Tony, as #1 Lakers' fan Jack Nicholson calls him, said that in a way he kind of hopes that the Boston Celtics win.

He says that he knows that it sounds crazy, but he is looking at it strictly from the position of protecting his city, its inhabitants, and its more than 9,000 Mexican food restaurants.

Hollywood socialite Paris Hilton was asked for her opinion on the L.A. - Boston NBA finals. She threw back her blonde mane and said that she will be rooting for the Dodgers to win.

Lindsay Lohan meanwhile stated that she does not care one way or the other and said that the damn ankle monitoring device has sure cut into her sexual activity.

LiLo said that the other night, while she was asleep, her boyfriend Samantha (Ronson) painted the monitoring box pink and she now goes around asking people if they would like to see Lilo's 'pink box.'

And speaking of pink. Mayor Tony called up Arizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio and asked for his opinion on how he should handle the Laker fans should the Lakers win the championship.

Sheriff "Pinky" replied that if it was him he would instruct his officers to shoot the first five fans he sees lighting something on fire.

Arpaio said that yes it will probably cause five lawsuits, but it is still better than losing dozens of police cars, fire trucks, taxi's, segways, and Mexican food restaurants.

SIDENOTE: Mayor Villaraigosa has in fact stated that the county of Los Angeles has hired the services of Sheriff "Pinky" Arpaio and his department to provide crowd control security if and when the Lakers do win the world title. When asked how much he is paying Sheriff Arpaio, he stated that they agreed on a fee of $3 million plus meals, drinks, and souvenirs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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