Former Vice President Dick Cheney has landed on his feet in the private sector, and once again it is with a, "bang." The initial public offering for Cheney Shotguns started at ten dollars per share, then quickly rose well above forty dollars per share in late after hours trading when news of a massive military contract was announced.
U.S. Army General Patrick Johnson is excited about the procurement of the Cheney brand shot guns. "We'll be using the Cheney shotguns, mostly in close range situations where point blank effectiveness is required to achieve maximum output especially in the gluteus area, which until this point hasn't been properly addressed by our current arsenal. There's an old saying in the Army that goes 'You don't want to shoot a guy in the ass with a nuclear warhead especially if you have other options.' The Cheney gun gives us that option, and you can bet your sweet ass we're going to be using it against the terrorists."
In related news from the Afghan front, ten US soldiers were airlifted to medical facilities this morning due to what is being reported as, "Friendly fire pellet wounds to the soldiers' unprotected rear areas."