Written by Mellie
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Topics: Gary Coleman

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Gary Coleman by age 11 had skyrocketed to become TV's brightest little star, though never really could land on solid footing when he died after having sustained a very different kind of stoke to his skull after 'assisted' free-falling down a flight of stairs in his home last week. He was just 42.

Police have ruled out his dwarf-battered ankle gnawed wife picking him up like a bowling ball and rolling him down a flight of stairs and dumping his body in a small kitchen tidy bin due to the positioning of the bin when his limp body fell into it, this and that the bin tidies tags had not been tied up in double knots, ruling out a premeditative strike.

"He was first removed from life support at just age 11, though just kept fighting his way back to television, some how or another," advised big brother Willis, from the set of Different Strokes who went on to say "Even when working as a security guard whereby he gnome bashed a female bus driver who refused his school bus pass, he just kept bouncing back."

"On Thursday, he was conscious though semi-lucid," hospital staff advised in a statement, "but by early afternoon that same day, Mr Coleman was slipping in and out of consciousness, slurring "WHATTTCHOOUU TAAARLKIING ABUOOOUT WLLIS" whereby his condition gravely deteriorated past the point of a washed up child star.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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