New Orleans - Oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico has been renamed "Chocolate Fudge" according to a BP press release today.
"Oil" and "Petroleum" has negative associations for many people, say Tony Hayward, "But everyone loves Chocolate Fudge!"
Coastal residents were greatly reassured by the change. "When I heard oil was going to choke the marshes where I fish and hunt," said Louie Garou, 51, of Silverman Parish, "I was worried. But now that the marshes are going to be coated in Chocolate Fudge, well, I'm just going out there with a spoon!"
Scientists applauded BP's action. "This is the most intelligent thing the company has done in response to the spill," said an independent scientist under contract to BP. "Rather than requiring safety precautions when drilling, all we really needed was some redefinitions."
In related news, Gulf fishing boats were reporting record catches of the once-rare Gulf Tarball Fish. "The Tarball is not tasty eating," said one captain, "but you'll soon be enjoying it as the main ingrediant in Fish Oil Capsules. Yummy!"