Written by Morgan Truce
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Monday, 7 March 2005

image for West Virginia Students Treated Unfairly
Florida's Debra Lafave and West Virginia's Toni Lynn Woods --- YOU decide!

WEST VIRGINIA (AP) People in West Virginia have been getting the short end of the stick for so long they hardly question their poor treatment any longer. The typical West Virginian is happy to just finish his 14 hour shift at the dilapidated coal mine, drive his 1978 flatbed pickup up the dirt road where his trailer is parked, shout something at his cousin/wife, eat some deep-fried dinner, and try to count his eleven barefoot children before falling asleep on the lazy boy over the noise of the Springer audience cheering, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry.... "

His ninth grade education allows him to brag that he "made it all the way to high school" and gives him hope that one day one of his kids will at least make it into WVU before flunking out in the first semester. Although only two of his children can read, they are smart enough to look at pictures.

A couple of his boys have been watching the TV and couldn't help but to notice two teachers who were recently arrested for molesting students. One was Debra Lafave - a teacher in Florida. The other was Toni Lynn Woods - a teacher in West Virginia. They boys looked carefully at the pictures of the two teachers. It didn't take them long to decide which teacher they would rather be molested by. "Why can't we get a chance to be molested by some teacher who looks like that Florida babe Debra? How come it's always someone that looks like Aunt Sadie that makes the news in West Virginia?"

It really isn't fair that West Virginia students have to endure getting groped by someone like Toni Lynn Woods, while Florida students get treated to sex with Debra Lafave.

What happened to ‘No Child Left Behind'?

When will West Virginia finally get a break?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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