Written by UNEMPLOYED
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Friday, 4 June 2010

image for Victoria Secret Miraculous Push-Up Bra nominated for Optical Illusion Contest
Other undergarment contenders fail to reach this new bras' level of greatness.

Since Victoria Secret launched its new line of the Miraculous Push-Up, women and transvestites across the US have been rushing to their local VS store or perusing the selections on their website. This bra not only has the ability to increase your bust size by a full 2 cups, but it also gives the possibility that you'll look good naked which, where female vanity is concerned, is a hard-to-reach state of affairs.

As I loitered around the Victoria Secret dressing room, (as I am wont to do) squeals of joy and appreciative "Wows" filled my ears. Using my peripherals I attempted to glance around the corner to see what all the excitement was about. Unfortunately I could not get a good look before I was escorted out by security. I decided to take my research not to the source, but to the consumers.

After the two drink minimum, I had the opportunity to interview one of the dancers at the Go-Go-Rama bar and "grill". "It's really easy for a girl like me to get a job here. Guys usually feel a little funny about enjoying themselves around a girl whose chest looks like it hasn't hit puberty but this takes away that problem!"

Later on in the evening, Chastity displayed how the bra actually works. After careful examination the bra (which contained padding consisting of newspapers, worn out balloons, and those packets of pebbles you find in a new pair of shoes) appeared to be virtually innocuous from the front and while it was being worn by a person. As Chastity continued to discuss the modern marvel this clothing item truly was, I brought up the question of how a woman was to maintain the fa├žade of a well-endowed chest when the illusion was removed by a potential partner. Her answer: "Everyone looks the same in the dark."

Indeed they do.

Recently I discovered this Miraculous invention is up for the 87th Annual Optical Illusion Contest. There has been talk that the classic optical illusions such as C. Allan Gilbert's "All is Vanity", the collection of Young Woman vs. Old Woman pictures, and those illusions that look like they're moving in order to induce a migraine may be out of the running with this new competitor.

Can the illusion of a large chest match up to the trick of the eye contest winners in years prior? Will this bra be the next step to persuading men into doing incredibly foolish things? Only time and $49.50 will tell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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