WASHINGTON D.C. - President Obama was in the White House State Room meeting with the presidents of the African countries of Zimbabwe, Buffaranda, Botswana, and Lower Zamgola.
He was asked if the United States would like to donate some money to help those four countries fight the dreaded Vine Flu which has now reached epidemic proportions.
The president was told that it has gotten so bad that lions are not roaring as loud as they used to. He was also told that the zebra stripes on most of the zebras look like they were hand painted on by three-year-olds who did not care about coloring outside of the lines.
A member of the presidential press corps asked him what the status on the immigration problem was. He smiled and said that he would be sending 1,200 national guard troops to the U.S. - Mexico border.
When asked how he was planning to divide the troops among the four border states he paused and took out a little pocket spiral notepad.
The president said "Alright y'all lissen up here. After long and tedious deliberation I has decided dat I will place 450 troop in Texas, 399 troops in California, 348 troops in New Mexico, and 3 troops in Arizona.
When asked why only 3 troops in the entire state of Arizona, the president got somewhat huffy and replied, "Because 3 be da number dat I decided on dat be why bro - does ya has a problem wiff dat or what?"
He was told that Arizona Governor Jan Brewer would be angry as hell when she finds out that her state is only getting 3 troops whereas neighboring New Mexico is getting 348.
President Obama cleared his throat. He took a drink of his Lowenbrau Light and said, "Fella, I could not give a rat's ass what dat Arizona skank says or does. She ain't squat. I am da president. And has you gotten a good look at da gal. Whoa Nellie. Damn da woman has gots ta be da ugliest white woman in da entire friggin country, including Alaska. Mercy! Da gal can scare da hell out of grizzly bears."
After the president finally stopped laughing he added "And say folks, has ya seen da size of da broads ear lobes?
Goodness gracious in da morning. She has got some ear lobes on her. In fact, I truly feel dat she has got da biggest damn ear lobes since President Lyndon B. Johnson."
In other news. Judging from their Nazi memorabilia, it appears that Glenn Beck and Jesse James both must have shopped at the same Nazi paraphernalia store.